We had been working on the car for 5 hours straight, I was grateful for his help and so happy on this day. Pops was working down under and needed some light, so he hands me his phone to use the flashlight. I was quick to grab it, just wanting to obey because I respected my father in every single way. But when I turned on his screen I began to see messages from a new woman entering the scene. I stood there in shock and I couldn't believe this side of my father I'd never foreseen...
I was drifting into another dimension when he pulled me out with a single question, "hey Jacob, can you fire up the engine?" He came out from down under, his work was done. The expression on his face was a tired one. He asked for his phone so I give it and run to see if my car will finally turn on. As the engine roared I stood there proud and tall, forgetting of life and all its pitfalls. But reality struck when I seen my own father happier about the messages than the job he conquered...
2 days passed in the clouds of marijuana, this is how I dealt with my problems and all my trauma. Thinking and thinking of what I should do, but deep deep down I already knew, so I marched upstairs and went straight to his room. I knocked and asked "hey pops, can we talk? I have thoughts to dive into." The look on his face told me everything, he already knew what I was planning on addressing...
I sat down and look him straight in the eye but before I could speak, he told me a lie,"Jay I promise that in the end she's only my friend, but please don't crucify me, I'm only a man." My anger was boiling deep down inside but before he could blink I start my reply. It was one half clever and the other half sly, "I now see that snakes can grow legs, but tell me the truth. I don't ask, I beg". So he told me his feelings right on command, the ones he had hidden like contraband. He spoke about the woman like she's the best he ever had, without realizing who he's talking to, that's what made me really sad. He told me their "dreams" which will never come true, cause she's a married woman with a family too...
He said not to worry while on my vacation,"things will be different, just have some patience", I looked him in the eye and nod my head, and as I start to walk out he finally said,"could we keep this a secret just between you and I?" On the inside I died, my brain was completely fried. I assured him that I would trusting he'd change, but after 2 months he was still the same. Still degrading my mother, she was always to blame, and when I asked if he told her he replied "what do I have to say?". Day after day withholding the truth, imagine looking in the mirror and not recognizing you. I felt fake as can be, the only one who knew, not even my mother had a single clue. I would have to tell her, my heart said to...
I prepared my brain for the day that eventually came. We were riding in the car and I began to explain the things I'd seen and the secrets I contained. She sat like a stone, just hiding her pain, fighting her tears just trying to act "sane". The end of the drive concluded my speech, I put it in park then she leapt out her seat and went straight to her room probably to weep...
Poetry Written By Jacob Armendariz 